Life is all about lessons. I believe that we really make no mistakes as our experiences whether good, bad or indifferent are what make our life what it is. Sometimes however, those lessons are difficult to bare and about 4 years ago I had an online communication or (lack of communication) experience that was one of those lessons you hope to only learn once. I had just completed a grueling series of courses from a man that I have tremendous respect for. So much of what he taught me was some of the most valuable, functional information I have received. His wife “Barbara” handled the day to day, money/ promotional business side of things that allowed him to do what he loved to do….. She was in essence, the (wo) man behind the curtain. After graduation I had stayed in touch with my instructor. Throughout our many discussions we talked about a particular software program that he and I were using as allowed our work to be very focused and organized. It was a very useful tool but difficult to learn. I had mentioned to him that I was friends with the engineer who developed it and he taught me how to use it. I told him that I would be happy to show him, as well as other students interested some tips and tricks. Well, the word got out that I was going to do this and before long there were several people interested.

A few days later I received an email from Barbara stating that she wanted to orchestrate this meeting of students and felt that it needed to be organized in such a way that any of the students wanting to purchase the software could have it available to them at the “clinic”. Because I was friends with Jeff (the software developer) she requested that I make these arrangements and get back to her as soon as possible. So…this went from a gesture of good will to a “clinic”. Still not knowing exactly what was really going on, I contacted Jeff where he arranged an amazing discounted package price. Many students had already talked to him about the software and were purchasing it directly from him, so they were thrilled to find out they were going to get it at a discounted rate. I emailed Barbara and told her the good news feeling very good about what I had just accomplished, thinking she would be very happy as it was a win/win situation right…………oh no, not even close.

The next morning I received an email from Barbara and she was livid. She had received word that the software developer was selling the products directly to the students and was severely undercutting their price as they were going to sell the software at the clinic at full price and that the discount was for them not the students and this was “bad for business” . She went on to call me several things the most painful was…selfish and immature working with my own interests in mind, OUCH and proceeded to call Jeff (the software developer) many terrible things too. She questioned my motives and could not believe that I was doing this for any reason that did not involve making money. Had she had the opportunity to work with me face to face in this situation, I am certain she would have known otherwise.

I realized right at that moment I could not be in this position any longer. So…….I grabbed a glass of wine, and planned to forward her email to Jeff (I bet you know where this is going) I began typing an email (to Jeff) in a thoughtful, but one sided (my side) way about the situation and how I no longer wanted to be involved, but did not know how to get out of it without potentially damaging my credibility with my professor. It was not exactly nice, it was very blunt and I thought he should know what her intentions were and how she completely misunderstood the situation. In essence I was being the immature person she pegged me for and I guess at that moment I did not care. Jeff was my friend and he would have known I was just blowing off steam. I am quite certain that he would have had some perfect, clean solution to the problem and somehow all of this would have worked out. Perhaps this could have worked……. but rather than forwarding the message to Jeff, I hit reply and sent this “thoughtful” email to Barbara.
I realize in retrospect if we would have had face to face communication none of this may have happened. She did not have the non-verbal cues p (79) that we have when taking in person. In essence she was right….I did have motives, but they were not what she perceived and unfortunately because of our CMC there was NO going back.